Bed Bugs Infiltrate Police Squad Cars

New Rochelle, NY. July 16, 2008.

"To our knowledge we have the problem under control" ... sure, like we've never heard that one before. Always reassures me.

Closer to home, bed bugs have invaded Boulder public housing. A scan of Google News shows bed bug outbreaks occurring every day. We'll have to add those to the list of incidents too frequent to remark upon, along with squirrel-related power outages and rabid fox attacks.

Speaking of rabid fox attacks, a single "mangy looking" fox (ed. note: really?) injured four people in New Hampshire a few hours ago.

Bees Mob the New Jersey Turnpike

Cherry Hill, New Jersey. July 19, 2008

Rabid Foxes Dole Out Attacks

All over the U.S.; every day.

Looks like there's a rabid fox attack or two every day in this country. It's weird that it's so regular. Here's an attack on a police officer that was caught on taser-cam.

Bear Busts Into Circuit City

Denver, Colorado. July 15, 2008

The bear set off an alarm at Fazoli's, then went through a window at Circuit City.

The author of that article seems to think this is all one big joke. I wonder what the bear was after.

Lion On The Loose - Impersonates Dog

Colorado Springs, Colorado. July 14, 2008

"However, just after 3 p.m., authorities called off the search for the lion, and a couple living in the area says they have a very big dog that's been missing all day."

Great, so the lion ate the very big dog and is now impersonating it. I feel comforted.

Hippo Gains Taste For Human Flesh

Denver, Colorado. July 14, 2008

Dogs Rewarded For Loyalty

Beijing. July 11, 2008

"Dog meat off the menu during Beijing Olympics."

Rodent Control Operation Ends In Explosion

Denver, Colorado. July 9, 2008

The official explanation is somewhat benign, if you believe it. A snafu on a combat operation should always invite suspicion of the opposition.

Attempted Tick Hijacking

Des Moines, Iowa. Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Three ticks were found in a United Airlines plane from Denver to Des Moines, delaying the flight by six hours.

Here's one of those back-of-the envelope questions that technical interviewer seem to love. If three ticks can delay a flight by six hours, what could the entire tick population in the continental U.S. do to our air traffic system?

Squirrel Power Outages

It's worse than we thought.

"In Georgia, squirrel-related outages more than tripled from 5,273 in 2005 to 16,750 in 2006."

Not only are those numbers shocking (so to speak), but the rate of increase is ominous.

Of special note: "Hundreds of gallons of raw sewage poured into Mobile Bay in Alabama after a squirrel cut power to a sewage lift station there."

That must have been one nasty squirrel.

Getting back to the numbers -- isn't it interesting that Georgia Power knows the exact number of squirrel-related outages? So obviously that information must be going into a database somewhere.

$ select count(*) from INCIDENTS where YEAR=2005 and ANIMAL='squirrel'
$ 5273

If that's the case, I would love someone to run this query:

$ select distinct ANIMAL from INCIDENTS

Animal Communications Graph

It might be useful to analyze our reports so far, to determine which animals can talk to which.

So far, we have the following connections:

Giraffes - camels - zebras - llamas - potbellied pigs
cats - snakes
(tentative) skunks - coyotes

I'll update this as more reports come in.

Giraffe Organizes Jail Break

Amsterdam. June 30, 2008

"15 camels, two zebras and an undetermined number of llamas and potbellied swine briefly escaped from a traveling Dutch circus after a giraffe kicked a hole in their cage."

Of note: once again, dogs sided with the humans. Good to know.

Article claims that all the animals were recaptured, but if they don't know how many llamas and potbellied swine escaped, how can they be sure they got them all?